before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
