Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
