what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
