she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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