No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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