Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You work out of a Hotel?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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