so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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