I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
