cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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