Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
