do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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