How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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