Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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