weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
