maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
