Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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