If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
