i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
