and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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