im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
