Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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