he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
