New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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