just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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