Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
