New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
