Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
