heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
