She's JV to your varsity
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
