No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
