you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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