You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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