So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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