I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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