So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
