She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
