Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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