In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
