well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
