So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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