she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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