Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
