I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
