Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
