I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
