I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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