I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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