i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
