I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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