i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
