who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
