I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
