I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
