I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
