Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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