OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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